The School of Jack Yr2

[Jack]

Isn't it normal to have Freshers Week before settling down to a new term? I want my chance to join the 'School of Jack Country Dancing Club and Christian Fellowship'....

Yeah! Where do I get the free wall planner so I can mark my days through the school of jack? Then there's the free mug, pen, ginsters pastie and a free copy of the Guardian everyday for a week. Then there's the issue of, 'so my 'life' membership isn't exactly life but just for the duration of my degree?'

Then there's the department's meet and greet, cheese and wine evening, when's that happening?

The School of Jack does not believe in this concept of 'a fresher's week' or with the concept of orientation or free gifts.

To prepare the practitioner for the brutal world of commercial archaeology the welcome pack includes a letter of appointment to sign in triplicate (terms and conditions to arrive later), a postal order for £5.78 for travel expenses, a poorly copied fax of a map showing the location of your first lecture and a mobile number of the course contact (who will never answer or call you back).
The School advises attendants to arrive early enough not to miss the lecture, but is unaware as to when work will start.

The location indicated on the map is not actually the site of lectures but someone there may know where it is

The School of Jack reserves the right to change the location, time and date of the first lecture at any time without informing attendants until afterwards. The School is not responsible for any loss incurred.
No parking facilities are supplied, or advice on where the nearest safe location lies.
The School will not supply food or drink, but may indicate nearby suppliers of greasy fare proved to be detrimental to your health.

The School wishes to point out that the first lecture actually took place two weeks ago. But you should be able to catch up by turning up to the indicated location and poking about a bit for clues and asking anyone you meet where the second lecture may be.